Life Lately.

I've been MIA for a while. I'm no good at blogging. Never have been and probably never will be. Ha. But every now and then I decide to write about life and how it's treating me. 

So, lately, it's been a bit crazy. Exciting. Fun. 

I started working outside of our home last week and boy has it been a challenge. I've been looking for employment since August (when both my kids entered school) and I haven't had any luck. Employers don't really understand, "I haven't worked in four years because I've chosen to stay home and raise my kids." thing. They want recent experience. And when cleaning bathrooms, cooking food, and tending to kids isn't part of the job description, they don't really care. 

Well, I was lucky enough to stumble across a job description that said "Looking for a reliable, hard-working, honest individual to work in our law office" I decided OH!!! I could do that! The day it was posted I filled out the application, a week later I had an interview, and two days later I started work! (I think they felt sorry for me, ha) It's been a blessing. I was starting to talk to my friends on Good Morning America like they were in my living room, I was going a bit nutty being home alone. So the past week has been a bit of an adjustment for me, that husband, and the kids, but everyone is taking it well!!! ;) 

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We've also celebrated our Risen Savior. Wow! What an exciting time of year! I told you guys for Lent one of my goals was to walk around my neighborhood praying. Well, I tell you, what a blessing! During my time I was able to pray with people I've never actually talked to! They know that if they need prayer all they have to do is ask! 

Happy Easter!!! 

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Oh!! And Spring has FINALLY arrived in Mississippi!!! Yay!!! So we've been spending as  much time outside as possible!!! We were definitely lacking Vitamin C! Ha! So Easter weekend we went to New Orleans (three hours away) and we went on a swamp ride and visited the zoo. Yesterday, the kids enjoyed the slip-n-slide and cold treats. It's been a blast!! I loooove warm weather! 

Now we are embracing for three days of bad weather! Blaaah!!! 

Tired. Weak. Broken.

My husband's  birthday was at the end of last month, and I failed. I failed terribly. 

Normally the kids and I would bake him his favorite brownies, attack him with silly string as he walked in from a busy day of work, and give him cute gifts that reflect what he means to us. 

Did I mention, I failed? 

His birthday was on Saturday this year. The day before I spent ALL day volunteering at my daughter's school (I thought it was the following week) and then she had a late DR's appointment to make sure she is meeting all those "developmental" milestones. By the time we got done with all that Friday was almost over and I had not planned anything for my sweetie. 

Saturday, his birthday, we woke up to soccer games, and headed to his mom's three hours away to celebrate. I still hadn't done anything. 

You see, I'm all about making people feel special for every.single.holiday. Birthday, check. Easter, check, Valentines, check. Grandparents day, check. I'm always pouring myself into everyone, for everything. 

I broke down, told him how truly sorry I was that I let time slip away. He knew. He offered grace. He knows I stretch myself to far, and I expect to much from me.

You see, I care for my husband. I try to meet his every need, want, desire. 

I care for my kids. I try to be the best mom possible. I want them to know they are loved and cherished.

I take a lot of care of my elderly grandma. Who last July was diagnosed with kidney failure and is on dialysis three days a week. I pick her up from treatments. She's weak. She's been fighting a long hard battle for over 15 years now with cancer. She's on countless amounts of meds. She can't care for herself. So I pour a lot of my time into her. 

I try to keep the house clean, food cooked, and clothes washed. I try to attend all sports. I volunteer. I'm a "yes" person when anyone asks a favor or needs my time/help, I am there.

J-O-Y

J-O-Y

This must surely mean

 Jesus first, yourself last, and other's in between.

 I strive to do that every.single.day.

But, I'm tired. 
I'm weak. 
I'm broken. 
My sacrifice is failing. 

 
source

But Jesus didn't fail when He sacrificed his life for me. He could have changed His mind and not bore my sin on the Cross, but he didn't, He prevailed. 

So, I cling to that. 

I cling to His sacrifice and His grace. 

I cling to His love and peace. 

The way I sacrifice myself for others, is a blessing. It's my calling. It's a privilege and a honor. Though I'm weak and tired. I know I have a foundation that can not be shaken. I will prevail.

Be delighted in the Lord. 

Then He will give you all your heart's desires.

Commit everything you do to the Lord.

Trust Him to help you do it, and He will. 

Psalm 37:4-5

WHEW!

WHAT A DAY! ... 

Both of my kids have Spring pictures at school this week. So, I decided to take them to Target to find them something cute to wear. They have to wear uniforms at their schools, so any opportunity for them to dress cute I TAKE IT! ;) 

After the princess tried on ten different dresses and a few skirts, we finally found our match. She got two cute skirts with shirts to match. 

My prince, we found his on the first go 'round! Boys are much easier! 

Then ...

It went ... 

DOWN HILL ... 

I told the kids I would look at some spring shoes for them while there. We couldn't find any in the size for the prince, which is nothing unusual for our Target. They NEVER have his size. 

Then on to the princess. She wanted high heels. (I'm telling y'all she is a princess for sure) I kept telling her "NO" because they didn't have any cute ones, and they didn't even have her size in the ugly ones. BUMMER. Instead I kept pointing out cute sandles, but she didn't want any, so I told her we were leaving and she could wear her hot pink ones that we just bought at Children's Place last weekend (for a stinkin' $25 ... I WILL NEVER do that again), besides they would be super cute with BOTH outfits! 

Then ... The "teenager" in her came out. 

She stomped her feet. 

She raised her voice. 

I was mad. 

I immediately told her to stop, and told her how extremely disrespectful she was at the very moment, and how rude it was for her to raise her voice at me. She followed me around crying the rest of our visit. 

I was caught completely off guard. She has NEVER thrown a tantrum, and she has NEVER raised her voice like she did. 

I don't know if I even responded properly. Two hours later, and I'm stilled shocked about it.

Did I mention, she's only EIGHT. 

Lord, help me. 

Time to get Fit.

When I got pregnant with my first child I was 95 pounds. I was way too small. My doctor wasn't even sure if I would carry her full-term. or if I'd be able to have a vaginal delivery. Well, I did both and out came a very healthy 6 lb 14 oz princess. But during those 9 months I gained 65 pounds. Y'all I looked like an oompa loompa, no lie. (I'm only 5'1") I lost down to 130 after having her. 

A year later, I got pregnant again and gained 30 more pounds and once my prince came weighing 7lbs 3oz, I lost back down to 135. My kids are now 8 and 6 and I'm stuck at that weight. 

I'm  not happy with myself, and I haven't been for a while. I'd  rather sit on the couch than go outside. I love to shop, but the agony of trying on clothes is too much. I don't feel comfortable in anything. If it was up to me I'd wear pj pants and t-shirts 24/7, but I know that isn't an option. 

Well, this week I've decided it's time for a change. I'm going to lose the weight I want to lose. I want to be healthy. So I've begin to take steps to accomplish that. 

1. I got the MyFitness Pal App

I'm not much of a eater. I do fine eating one meal a day (dinner), but I know that's not healthy. So, this week I've made a conscious decision to eat 3 meals a day and a snack. It recommends my calorie intake to be 1200 a day for my hieght and weight. I've come in just under every day, and in a few months I should be at my goal. I've also attempted to exercise for at least 30 minutes 4 days a week to get started. 

Calorie Counter

• 2. I ordered some new running shoes. I've always loved to run, but it's been a long time since I've had proper running shoes. (Not to mention I've been too lazy) Last week Zulily had Brooks on sale, so I snatched me a pair. 

2. I ordered proper running shoes

I love to run, but I haven't had proper running shoes in a loooog time. (and I've been too lazy to run) I love Brooks, but I'm cheap and I hate paying full price! I got these $90 (Brooks pure connect 2) shoes for $40 so I was happy! ;) They also recommend replacing running shoes every 300 miles or so, which is not a lot, so again I refuse to pay full price! 

3. Set a GOAL: Do the Color Run Next year.

My ultimate goal in all this is to be able to do the color run with a friend next year. (She is on her weight loss journey as well) It looks soooo  much fun, but I know I can't run it and walking it doesn't seem like it would be as much fun, so here's to staying on track and kicking that 5k in the tail in 2015! (Or later this year if it comes back to town) 

Any of you have any suggestions to help a girl out on her weight loss journey? 

Lent.

Today many people are giving up something in observation of Lent. I'm not. I believe Jesus did that when He died on the Cross for sinners like Me. 

However, I am turning toward an attitude of prayer for this Lenten season. I'm taking on a challenge to be #heartsick for my community, for my world. It's dying. The devil is moving in like a thief in the night, but I believe through prayer our God WILL overcome. (Besides Revelation tells us, He has already won.) 

So, as I wait in the carpool line for twenty minutes each afternoon, I will be praying for the teachers and administration that lead my children. That they will lead with the love of Christ. I pray that they will consider that to some kids they may be the only Jesus they see, and that they will be His hands and feet every chance they get. 

As I walk around my neighborhood at 6AM every morning, I'll be praying for every single house that I pass. I'll be praying that their homes are built on the foundation of Jesus. I'll be praying that husband lead their family towards Godliness. I'll be praying that the single mom finds peace and joy in the mundane task of motherhood and providing for her family. I'll be praying that all the little old retired women would stop obsessing over their property value and the fact that the family struggling next to them can't afford to have a beautifully landscaped yard. I'll be praying for the sweet lady next door whose health isn't doing the best. 

I'll go to City Hall and pray for my leaders. I'll pray that the Holy Spirit would lead them in ways that they should lead our community, that they will lead with integrity and conviction. I'll pray that if anything is of God that He won't allow it to take place. 

Prayer is intimate. I pray that I'll experience intimacy with Christ like never before. I pray that he BREAKS me, MOLDS me, and FILLS me like no other.  

Meditate.

One day this week I ran across a quote, and I'm sorry if it's your quote and I'm not giving credit. I don't remember who said it, or where I saw it, but it has been resounding with me every since. It was something like:

You can read the Bible, but unless you meditate on it, it's void.

Bim. Bam. Thank you, ma'am.

I've felt convicted over the past few days because there have been a lot of times when I just read over the Word, but didn't meditate on it. I didn't take time to ask God to speak to me, and I didn't take time to listen if He did speak. 

Joshua 1:8 says Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 

I want the Word of the Lord to reveal itself to me like never before. I want everyone around me to know that my love for the Lord is greater than the love I have for my husband and my children. I want them to know that He is my number One. My intimate One. My everything. But I know that the only way this is going to happen is if I stop merely reading the Word and instead meditate on it. I want it written on my heart. 

I praise God for his grace that is new everyday! I praise God that though I've failed thousands of times, he loves me still the same: 

"Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, his blood poured out on the alter of the Cross, we're a free people - free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all our misdeeds. And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free! He thought of everything, provided for everything we could possibly need, letting us in on the plans he took such delight in making." Ephesians 1: 7-9 The Message