Tired. Weak. Broken.

My husband's  birthday was at the end of last month, and I failed. I failed terribly. 

Normally the kids and I would bake him his favorite brownies, attack him with silly string as he walked in from a busy day of work, and give him cute gifts that reflect what he means to us. 

Did I mention, I failed? 

His birthday was on Saturday this year. The day before I spent ALL day volunteering at my daughter's school (I thought it was the following week) and then she had a late DR's appointment to make sure she is meeting all those "developmental" milestones. By the time we got done with all that Friday was almost over and I had not planned anything for my sweetie. 

Saturday, his birthday, we woke up to soccer games, and headed to his mom's three hours away to celebrate. I still hadn't done anything. 

You see, I'm all about making people feel special for every.single.holiday. Birthday, check. Easter, check, Valentines, check. Grandparents day, check. I'm always pouring myself into everyone, for everything. 

I broke down, told him how truly sorry I was that I let time slip away. He knew. He offered grace. He knows I stretch myself to far, and I expect to much from me.

You see, I care for my husband. I try to meet his every need, want, desire. 

I care for my kids. I try to be the best mom possible. I want them to know they are loved and cherished.

I take a lot of care of my elderly grandma. Who last July was diagnosed with kidney failure and is on dialysis three days a week. I pick her up from treatments. She's weak. She's been fighting a long hard battle for over 15 years now with cancer. She's on countless amounts of meds. She can't care for herself. So I pour a lot of my time into her. 

I try to keep the house clean, food cooked, and clothes washed. I try to attend all sports. I volunteer. I'm a "yes" person when anyone asks a favor or needs my time/help, I am there.

J-O-Y

J-O-Y

This must surely mean

 Jesus first, yourself last, and other's in between.

 I strive to do that every.single.day.

But, I'm tired. 
I'm weak. 
I'm broken. 
My sacrifice is failing. 

 
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But Jesus didn't fail when He sacrificed his life for me. He could have changed His mind and not bore my sin on the Cross, but he didn't, He prevailed. 

So, I cling to that. 

I cling to His sacrifice and His grace. 

I cling to His love and peace. 

The way I sacrifice myself for others, is a blessing. It's my calling. It's a privilege and a honor. Though I'm weak and tired. I know I have a foundation that can not be shaken. I will prevail.